Mother's Day

There's been a lot of conversations in my life for the past several months about trauma. My own, my family members, my friends....we've all experienced some kind of massive, life shifting trauma. Some of us were even born into it, or from it, or carried it with us from past lives, through ancestral energy....or whatever. It's become something I had to accept as a truth of humanity.

Being on this planet comes with being subjected to trauma. No one's is greater or lesser than the other's. It's a commonality that connects us to each other as much as our need to breathe, to be loved, to have food, shelter and water. Trauma is a truth....it's our responses to it that make all the difference.

I never grew up understanding this truth, and made a lot of choices to distract me from looking at the truths of the traumatic events in my life. Now that I've landed on the other side of the denial coin, I'm able to accept my suffering, and handle it. Whether my trauma fell upon me through no choice of my own, or happened bc of the choices i made....it all came to the same conclusion....

Forgiveness.
Compassion.
Grief.
Acceptance.
Embrace it.
Move on.

Now I can see trauma for it's beauty.... not bc it's awesome, and I love it, and I can't wait for the next one.....only bc of what comes from it. Connection.... 

To each other.
To our deepest wells of emotion.
To life.

Some of the hardest lessons we ever have to learn present us with some of the most "im strong as fuk" feelings of empowerment. Moments that SLAM an instant shitstorm into your life it makes your head spin.... but you have to just deal with it, and grow from it, and move on. 

The beauty is that for the rest of your life you have that knowledge you didnt have before the shitstorm, though it still hurts you.... sometimes so much you can't avoid wincing any time the memory pops up in your mind, and it always feels like it happened yesterday.... But if you look at the past, & the most unbearably painful moments of your life, you might recognize that those times mark some of the most beautiful, transformative, and insightful changes of your life's direction in their wake. 

That's what being alive is all about. Learning from the shitstorms, and really appreciating the peaceful times in between....

I guess what I've learned, and am going on and on about to you all, is that being grateful for what's happened is the gift we should all be open to receiving. Asking "why me, why now, what can I do?" is okay....but answering those questions for yourself is the way to finding your own power. No one can answer it for you, but we can all learn something together from what you discovered. 

I discovered some stuff. I lived through some shitstorms. I'm grateful I have this peacetime to reflect and share.

A lot happened in the 10 years since my mom passed. This week, Mother's Day, 10 years. I remember sitting in hospice 10 years ago today, smelling the coffee, the death....

I grew a lot since then, bc of that....and I'm proud of my power to survive these memories now that I'm present.

I wish I could share with you who I am today, mom....but it doesn't work like that. I think you would be happy for how much I came back from, and I think I could show you something about how beautiful it is to feel.

I know I could.

I miss your laugh mom, bc it came with that smile....& that smile spoke volumes, though without ever knowing it's true voice.

I hope you are well in whatever world you're in today....

I'm doing great here in mine.

I love you. Happy Mother's Day.

Love & light,
Little Elenaki